Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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