So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
