There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
