I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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