Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
