I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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