I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
