it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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