Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
