What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
