His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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