I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
