it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Randomize
