FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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