This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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