you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
