Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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