oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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