There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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