It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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