Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
No subtext here. People are naked.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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