I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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