U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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