i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
