I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
