Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he was CRYING into my vagina
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
