I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
