spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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