capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
