You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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