he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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