I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
