I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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