i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I love you. Go after that dick
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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