god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
