Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so let's talk penis.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
