At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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