im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
