can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
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As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
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Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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