got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
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its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
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sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize