remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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