In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
