i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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