You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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