If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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