Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I FOUND THE LEGS
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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