he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
