i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
