how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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