I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
