A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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