Define "chronic" masturbator.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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