By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
