i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
