We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
