sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
