the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
