i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
worst night to have a conscience
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
