wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
