We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
