Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The uberlube is also flammable
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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