Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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