If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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