Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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