U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
