He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
well you can't waste a boner
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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