Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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