You just made me feel so damn special
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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